Ten of the dumbest things put on Jeeps

 

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We've all seen them, those Jeeps rolling down the road that you just have to shake your head and wonder to yourself, "what the hell is that guy thinking" or "what a stupid looking rig".

The ignorance of the American buying public combined with the sheer brilliance of Madison Avenue advertising has convinced many that they NEED this stuff on their Jeeps.  What many Jeep owners just don't understand in the beginning is that the rig they see in a magazine or the catalog they get in the mail isn't necessarily the type of rig that is suited for the wheeling they will be doing in their own part of the country.

With that in mind, here are 10 of the dumbest things we have seen done to Jeeps:

10. Number 10 isn't really put on Jeeps it's what Jeeps are put on....Trailers! First of all, 99% of Jeeps on trailers have a good reason for being there. Usually these rigs are modified to a level as to make them illegal for or just highly uncomfortable for street use. These rigs need a trailer. The Jeeps we are talking about are the 1% that look like they, by and large, just came off the dealers lot except for maybe sporting a new set of 31" tires. For some reason these guys seem to think that pulling up to the staging area with a Jeep on a trailer is a sign of a real "trail rig", a status symbol. I guarantee that the guys he is following and in front of on the trail by the end of the day will be letting him know what an idiot he was for sinking $5000 into a trailer instead of lockers, lift, winch and some body armour.

9. Super Swamper and TSL Bogger tires. Hear us out. First of all, we have to say that Super Swamper tires are by far the BEST off-road tire we have ever used. The operative term here is "off-road". SS tires as well as TSL Boggers and many of the other tires made by Interco are some of the best tires you can buy for their intended use which is, lets all say it again in unison OFF-ROAD USE! It never ceases to amaze us when we see them used on street rigs. These tires are the absolute worst riding, horrible wearing tire you can buy. In addition to that they can be counted on to reduce your mileage from 1 to 3 miles per gallon. It is astounding how many Jeeps as well as full size trucks we see riding down the road on these horribly uncomfortable tires just for show on rigs you just know will never see a dirt road let alone real off-road use.  We think this is why we see so many Swampers and Boggers on craigslist, the owners figured out they suck for on-road use and replace them with different tires.

8. Dome light clips. Resembling the spring in the middle of a clothes pin these clips are placed over the door pin to disable the dome light when you remove the doors from a Jeep. When we saw these items for the first time in a catalog we had to ask, WTF!!! Priced at around $10.00 they are a very expensive alternative to just pulling the door pin fuse which Jeep has very conveniently provided for doing the same thing for free! "A fool and his money are soon parted" - T. Tusser.

7. Tail light and turn signal guards. O.K. folks these things just plain look retarded. We can't even begin to fathom the reasoning some use for buying these things. On a street rig they serve absolutely no purpose and come to think of it they won't do squat for a trail rig either. In most cases they only make changing out tail light bulbs much more difficult. Furthermore there is nothing backing them up. If per chance you were to back your rig into an object in just the right way as to actually do damage to the tail light the guard is only going to ensure that some serious sheet metal damage will be done in the area right before it bends and then crushes the light anyway where as the plastic (and may we add very inexpensive) tail light would usually just break and that would be the end of it.

6. Light bars. Light bars are as good as putting a big sign on your Jeep that reads "I'm a dork". We have NEVER seen anyone with a light bar actually turn the lights on. In many cases the installations we have seen include a row of very expensive lights that aren't even wired! Light bars are also guaranteed to be the first thing ripped off the top of the rig by a low hanging branch or downed tree if the owner does actually take their mall crawler off road. Really, come on people, how much light do you need to drive to the grocery store at night.

5. Snorkels. We can only guess that the origin of intake snorkels is from Australia where frequent and sometimes unexpected deep water crossings in the middle of nowhere is a common occurrence. However, most of the snorkels we see now are mounted on Jeeps emblazoned with the "It's A Jeep Thing, You Wouldn't Understand" sticker on the windshield, loaded with all kinds of chrome and sporting 22" rims with low profile tires. We have never seen one of these people with a need to ford a 3' deep water crossing on their way to Nordstroms.

4. High lift jacks mounted to the face of the front or rear bumpers. We see this situation all the time and it just screams "I don't take my Jeep off road". Those few individuals we have seen on the trail with their jacks mounted this way really haven't thought things through. Heavy duty trail bumpers are made for a reason, to protect the front or rear of the Jeep from impact with rocks, trees, your buddies Jeep, etc. Mounting one of the arguably most important tools you can carry in harms way is just plain foolish. On one outing we warned a guy with us that having his high lift jack on the bumper was asking for trouble. Sure enough he got a flat and proceeded to remove his jack from it's ridiculous mounting location only to find out that the beam of the jack was bent (from bouncing off a large boulder earlier in the day) and therefore the jack was rendered useless. He soon started asking for someone to loan a jack so that he could change his tire. Good thing he wasn't out on some lonesome forest service road alone or he would have been out of luck.

3. 20" rims and low profile tires. Obviously not seen on real trail rigs but the idiots that do this even to street Jeeps don't seem to understand that the low profile tires negate the fact that the vehicle has 4-wheel drive. Low profile tires are not synonymous with good traction in low traction situations (like snow and ice in the winter) Last winter we saw more 4x4 rigs in the ditch sporting 20" rims and low profile tires than anything else. One of my neighbors with this setup on a larger SUV managed to make it only half way up our hill then proceed to spin his pretty over priced low profile tires until he ended up in the ditch, mind you he had 4-wheel drive. Right behind him another neighbor in a Honda Accord drove right up the hill, go figure.  Why anyone would buy a 4-wheel drive vehicle and then ruin it's capabilities by putting stupid wheels and tires on it are beyond me.

2. "It's a Jeep Thing, You Wouldn't Understand" stickers. Always seen on Jeeps that NEVER leave the road. Jeeps loaded with chrome gee gaws, 20" rims and low profile tires, snorkels, light bars and which will never see dirt. We own Jeeps and they're right, we don't understand. The kind of people that put this statement on their Jeeps will probably never use them for what they are engineered for, off-road use. It's the Jeep owners that put these stickers on their Jeeps that really don't understand.

1. And the number one dumbest thing we have ever seen on Jeeps: Chrome. Today you can buy chrome replacement items for almost everything on a Jeep. From chrome hinges for the doors and windshield to door handles, diff covers, mirrors, hooks and the absolute dumbest, chrome grills. Just like the guys that show up at the trail with their stock street Jeep on a trailer, Jeep owners that put all their money into chrome crap instead of items like lockers, winches and protection usually end up needing the "hook" throughout the day to get them through the trail and attract the disdain of all they share the trail with. There is an old saying in the 4x4 community: "Chrome don't get you home". Even if it is a street only Jeep chrome still looks completely stupid.   Silly yuppie, chrome is for Harleys not Jeeps.